Want Peace?

Monday Quote on Integrity

2008-06-23T12:19:00.002-04:00

"The moment we begin to fear the opinions of others and hesitate to tell the truth that is in us, and from motives of policy are silent when we should speak, the divine floods of light and life no longer flow into our souls." -- Elizabeth Cady Stanton

How to Combat Fear

2006-09-27T01:40:00.000-04:00

1. Look your Fear in the eye and say, "You don't control me. You don't own me."

2. Tell all your friends and family about your Fear and they will simply laugh and mock Fear until it feels one inch tall. The more specific you are the more your Fear will be exposed and weakened.

3. Next, tell Fear, "Goodbye, good-for-nothing. I'm going to do all the things you've been trying to convince me not to do. I have a life to live now."

4. Live it.

Acceptance of Your Life

2006-08-16T16:08:00.001-04:00

Many times we spend our time wishing it were a different point in time or wishing for a different state of mind or different circumstances. What if you said that you accept this moment, this life, and who you are, just as is, right at this very moment. What would that feel like? And what if you applied that to every moment of your life?

You can continue to strive for goals, or grieve for losses, and at the same time, accept what is.

What Brings You Joy

2005-12-06T06:08:00.000-05:00

Joy comes from deep, deep within. And it is a slightly different formula for each of us, as well. What brings you joy? Think of a list of moments or activities that bring you the most joy. How often do you feel joy? Would you like to feel it more often?

The things that bring me the most joy are: painting, hiking, meditating, singing, being with the ocean, bubble baths, and being completely surrounded by friends and family. How often do I engage in these? Certainly not as often as I'd like. Sometimes it isn't possible to create those perfect moments. Sometimes I wait until there is a big enough window of time to truly saturate myself in a perfect moment, and the waiting delays the joy. Sometimes I'm not in a mood to feel joy.

Joy can exist if we choose to have it. Perhaps we need to work a little bit at the pain or stress that is keeping us from joy. Perhaps we can have a joy-break in the midst of dealing with the serious side of life. We can even relive the memory of a truly joyful moment in our lives, and it actually changes the chemistry of the brain as we immerse ourselves in the visualization. Visualizing such moments can help us maintain certain levels of happiness that, in turn, keep us more balanced and healthy. Creating new moments also reminds of us what is best about being alive.

Be sure to schedule your joy if it isn't already happening on a semi-regular basis. It is vital to your quality existence.

Wednesday Quotes on Joy

2005-11-28T09:54:00.000-05:00

"The great teachings unanimously emphasize that all the peace, wisdom, and joy in the universe are already within us; we don't have to gain, develop, or attain them. We're like a child standing in a beautiful park with his eyes shut tight. We don't need to imagine trees, flowers, deer, birds, and sky; we merely need to open our eyes and realize what is already here, who we really are -- as soon as we quit pretending we're small or unholy." -- Unknown

"Participate joyfully in the sorrows of the world. We cannot cure the world of sorrows, but we can choose to live in joy." -- Joseph Campbell

"We could never learn to be brave and patient if there were only joy in the world." -- Helen Keller

"I do it for the joy it brings, cause I'm a joyful girl. 'Cause the world owes us nothing, we owe each other the world." -- Ani Difranco

And on that note, let me say that while I've been a little scarce on my site, and a less frequent visitor to others' sites, I am officially announcing my reason: I am three months pregnant. Please bear with me as every day offers a new change.

Purpose of Holidays

2005-11-25T11:57:00.000-05:00

While we all know what the holidays are for, and while we also grumble about what holidays have become, I still find it interesting that we have certain days in the year dedicated to some very positive principles in life: love, caring, reverence, gratitude, family, spirituality, and centering.

What a concept--society has made it acceptable for us to take some time off work to remember what is important in life. Take some time for yourselves, your loved ones, your life.

Commercialism may put a damper on your spirits, but try not to allow that. The industry is there for those who want to buy and sell and enhance your holiday. You have the choice of creating your own atmosphere and traditions in the ways that you wish to do so.

If there are holidays you do not celebrate, you can certainly give greetings to others, and in appropriate ways, allow others to know what you do or do not celebrate. It can be an opportunity to share differing ideas.

As for me, I do enjoy these holidays where I can sit back and take in all the people in my life and all the good things I have encountered. I also take some time for reverence, contemplation, meditation, and hopes and wishes.

Whatever you do, do what feels the best for you. Adopt others' rituals or customs, create your own, or treat every day with the same amount of importance.

Monday Quotes on Gratitude

2005-11-21T11:48:00.000-05:00

"Feeling grateful or appreciative of someone or something in your life actually attracts more of the things that you appreciate and value into your life." -- Christiane Northrup

"Throughout history wise men and women have encouraged us to feel grateful for what we have. Why? Very simply because gratitude makes us feel good. When you're feeling grateful, your mind is clear, and therefore you have access to your greatest wisdom and common sense. You see the big picture." -- Richard Carlson,Ph.D.

"The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you." -- John E. Southard

"If you can't be thankful for what you receive, be thankful for what you escape." -- Unknown

On Stillness

2005-11-16T19:26:00.000-05:00

We each have a different pace, a different energy level that we run on. And there are many phases in our lives that vary from hectic to calm.

If life tends to get away from us for a long period of time, we may be running on empty. Or we may be keeping up with such a tight schedule that we don't know where the months have gone or what our goals were in the first place.

At times, if I don't stay aware of what I'm doing, I can fill my schedule to the rim, because I have the time and the effort. But nowhere is it written that I HAVE to. In those times when my pace is too hectic, I rarely have feelings of being grounded and centered. That's when I need to remember, that in order to maintain some sense of balance, I need to have moments of quiet and moments of absolute stillness.

In stillness we have opportunities to listen to ourselves...even if we have nothing important to say. Those moments give us a chance to get realigned and refocused. We may have epiphanies. We may simply need to rest. Without realizing it, we respond to our own heartbeat and breathing. We know ourselves the best. This gives us the chance to just be with ourselves.

If a moment of stillness makes us uncomfortable, edgy, or impatient...we can ask ourselves what might be behind that. The answer may be enlightening. For some of us, it may not work at all. But at least we can try it a few times to see if anything changes.

And the moment does not need to be long. Even one minute can be beneficial.

Monday Quote on Stillness

2005-11-07T11:32:00.000-05:00

"Simply be quiet. Be with your Self in the stillness. Do this daily. Just stop. Stop all your doingness. Stop all your thinking. Stop all your thinking. Just "be for a while. Take an hour every day at dawn and give it to your Self. Meet your Self there in the holy moment. Then go about your day. You will be a different person." -- N. D. Walsch

Love vs. Hate

2005-11-04T11:04:00.000-05:00

Many say that love and hate both come from the same place in the heart. There is an intensity that measures one's attraction or aversion.

Focus on that which you love. Pour your energy into that. You will have less time and energy to focus on that which you hate.

What you feed within you is what will grow abundantly.

Writing Letters to Those Who Are Gone

2005-11-02T12:42:00.000-05:00

Fall and winter tend to be times to reflect and reminisce, as the daylight diminishes. It's also a time for holidays, which can be mixed with positive and negative reminders of what we do now, and what we used to do. In general, this is a time to revisit with ourselves.

Many times we continue to think about and miss the people we loved who are no longer with us. We even carry unresolved feelings that sometimes filter through the rest of our lives. While it takes time to do this, writing a letter can actually be a huge release. Even if you are at peace with the loss and the person, a letter gives you a chance to stay connected. In this way, you still maintain the relationship on your end. If you used to get support from someone, you can continue to write about your feelings.

You may even want to write a letter to someone from your past whom you no longer can get in touch with.

Quite some time after I lost both of my grandmothers and a high school friend, I was having some struggles in my personal life and my career. One of the things that a counselor highly recommended was that I write to these three people. I didn't see at all how that was related to my issues, but I took an evening to write the letters.

Somehow, it really did help. If nothing else, it kept me clearer about what was really a current issue, and what was in my past that I had been struggling with alone.

Even if you have written a letter before, there is no limit to how often you can write. If you regularly journal, this can be one of your entries. You might not know how necessary it was until after you've done it.

Monday Quotes for Halloween

2005-10-31T12:33:00.000-05:00

Halloween, which was "All Hallows Eve" was designed to revere those who have died.

In honor of this day, we shall have some quotes on grief and loss:

"Grief, like the ocean, comes in waves, only to recede and come yet again--but with healing. Memories wash ashore and are bathed by the golden sun. Grab hold of those memories and let them fill the emptiness." --Author Unknown

"She was no longer wrestling with the grief, but could sit down with it as a lasting companion and make it a sharer in her thoughts." -- George Eliot

"One often calms one's grief by recounting it." -- Pierre Corneille

"The human heart dares not stay away too long from that which hurt it most. There is a return journey to anguish that few of us are released from making." -- Lillian Smith

"When the heart grieves over what is has lost, the spirit rejoices over what it has left." -- Sufi Epigram

Your Mantra

2005-10-28T11:55:00.000-04:00

man·tra: n.
1. (Hinduism). A sacred verbal formula repeated in prayer, meditation, or incantation, such as an invocation of a god, a magic spell, or a syllable or portion of scripture containing mystical potentialities.

2. A commonly repeated word or phrase.
(obtained from http://dictionary.reference.com/)

Many times we find ourselves in a place of frustration, anger, anxiety, depression, or despair. Sometimes it feels never-ending, or like a downward spiral. What helps us in these moments?

We can have our own mantras when we want to refocus, regroup, readjust, or reorganize.

Each of us will have something unique that we tell ourselves. We each know what works the best. Even if it doesn't work instantaneously, the more we tell ourselves beneficial words, the more we exercise the ability to cope. Over time, it can have a very powerful effect.

If we feed ourselves negative messages, this takes us further into that downward spiral. It's one thing to feel and get through our negative emotions, which can be cathartic and healing; it's another thing to kick ourselves when we're down.

Do you have a mantra that helps you in your life?

Monday Quotes from Saints

2005-10-24T15:55:00.000-04:00

"Let me not be tied down to property or praise and I shall be free. Free from the nagging ache of envy. Free from the hurts of resentment. Free to love all and forgive all. Free to do and say what is right, regardless of the unpopularity. Free to wander everywhere as inspiration guides me." -- Saint Francis of Assisi

"May today there be peace within. May you trust your highest power that you are exactly where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith. May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you. May you be content knowing you are a child of God. Let this presence settle into our bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you." -- Saint Therese of Lisieux

"Not the power to remember, but its very opposite, the power to forget, is a necessary condition for our existence. " -- Saint Basil

"Do you wish to be great? Then begin by being. Do you desire to construct a vast and lofty fabric? Think first about the foundations of humility. The higher your structure is to be, the deeper must be its foundation." -- Saint Augustine

Remaining Open

2005-10-21T11:11:00.000-04:00

It's easy for us to resist new thoughts, unknown customs, or different ideas. Our brains actually send an alert to us when something is foreign to our neural patterns. It is part of our survival instincts to keep us aware of our surroundings. The longer we are alive, the longer our neural patterns are connecting and strengthening, making it more and more difficult to be naturally adventurous and curious the way we were as infants.

When we realize that there is no imminent danger to new concepts, we can let go of that alert and remain open in our minds. This does not require that we adopt, condone, or support what we are encountering. All we need to do is take the new information in.

Let new things come to you with no initial resistance. Opinions will always form, regardless. Take some time to hear, watch, or feel what is happening, without fear or judgment. You might be surprised what you learn, and what you try out.

Awareness

2005-10-19T23:12:00.000-04:00

a·ware : adj. Having knowledge or cognizance.

(obtained from http://dictionary.reference.com/)

Awareness has two functions for each of us: to learn and to educate. We each have the privilege and the responsibility to learn and educate as we go through life and encounter new people and new ideas. What is important is to understand the nature of these actions.

To learn: this is our opportunity to gain something. Whether or not we agree, whether or not we adhere to the exact information, we do gain something by exposure to different perspectives, beliefs, customs, values, etc.

To educate: this is our opportunity to share something. Whether or not someone else agrees or adheres to what we offer, we have at least given our views and have exposed someone else to something other than what they have.

This is as much control over awareness as we have. While there are more active strategies such as persuasion and coercion, awareness is the strategy that we can employ while respecting personal boundaries and granting equality among differences. We may or may not agree with this strategy, yet it may actually be the most effective in the long run. How well does it work to force someone else to see your point of view? Our roles in awareness keep us from taking on too much while allowing us to contribute to social consciousness.

Having awareness is the first step to any possibility of change. Yet awareness can only happen when the door is open. It may come slowly.

Continue to share, even if the door seems closed. And leave it at that. It's what you can do.

Monday Quotes on Awareness

2005-10-17T12:33:00.000-04:00

"We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are." -- Anais Nin

"When you meet someone better than yourself, turn your thoughts to becoming his equal. When you meet someone not as good as you are, look within and examine your own self." -- Confucius

"Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves." -- Eleanor Chaffee

"Let us not look back in anger or forward in fear, but around in awareness." -- James Thurber

Tolerance

2005-10-15T18:35:00.000-04:00

We are each very, very, very, very unique.

When we realize this, we can take a moment to respect each other's differences, learn about each other's perspectives, look inside ourselves for introspection, and identify what makes us react to others and why.

Notice how many reactions, opinions, or judgment we have toward other people's choices of fashion, cars, music, hairstyles, intimate partners, careers. This doesn't even include bigger views such as politics and religion.

We react with inner criticisms:

"Why can't he/she just do it this way?"
"What in the world were those people thinking?"
"That person doesn't have any taste at all."
"I wouldn't be caught dead wearing that outfit/driving that car/dating that person."

Assuming that we are discussing legal behavior and choices, let's ask ourselves these questions:

Can we tolerate and respect people's choices and differences?
Can we tolerate that our loved ones choose not to take our advice?
Can we tolerate that people raise their children, conduct their daily business, prioritize, socialize, vote, and live differently than we do?
Can we tolerate that people have very different beliefs, values, morals, and ethics than we do?
Can we distinguish who we cannot be around, choose to distance ourselves, but still allow people to be who they are?
Can we live and let live?

Try to observe people today with no judgment, simply observing. Allow neutral comments to cross your mind. Even try to find one positive thing about every person you see, which might be something you imagine about what they are like on the inside.

Perhaps you'll find some appreciation for what you normally question. Perhaps you'll have a feeling of acceptance...simply allowing us all to exist in the same space.

Similarities and Differences

2005-10-12T09:57:00.000-04:00

We each can have a long list of similarities and differences to those around us. We tend to quickly be drawn to the similarities, as they are easy to make connections and links. We react to the differences with either indifference, intrigue, and wonder, or fear, disgust, and hate.

Similarities feel safe because they are known. Sometimes the similarities are too close to personal issues and we could be turned off immediately, yet they are still known. Differences put us into the world of the unknown, and therefore many other emotions come up, many of which have a base of fear.

Identify differences that you can be completely open to, without fear. Explore a difference that you do have a fear about, by either inviting conversation, investigating through literature, or simply observing with an open mind. Knowledge takes away the fear and helps us improve our feelings, thoughts, and behaviors. We tend to make the best decisions with accurate information, and the worst decisions by filling in the blanks with our own emotions.

Find all the similarities within all the differences and you will find more connections with many people.

Monday Quote on Peace

2005-10-10T20:03:00.000-04:00

"I make peace when I learn about people around the world. No matter where they live, they are just like you and me."

~ Joshua K., age 6, Titusville, Florida

This is the first step in having understanding, tolerance, and compassion for all those among us.

The quote comes from a collection at Radiant Peace.

What Do You Need?

2005-10-09T06:30:00.000-04:00

We can quickly get mixed up in the many messages of what works the best, what is guaranteed solution, what has worked for others. Even with good intentions, these messages can be a tricky labyrinth taking us further and further from our goals.

Quiet it all down. Take a moment. Find out what you need. For you.

We are each so unique. We all need different things at different times and at different levels and paces. We don't all fit into the same formula.

Hone the skill of listening to yourself. It isn't always easy. Ironically, we sometimes do need others to help us listen to ourselves. It's most beneficial to find sources we can trust. Sometimes it's hard to have someone hold up the mirror. Sometimes we need to be sure the mirror is real and not skewed. Sometimes we need many mirrors and then slowly we get the full picture and can figure out what is real, what is majority, what works for us, and what doesn't.

Find what is best for you. Sift through the sea of information and input. Keep what benefits you the most and feels the healthiest. It can take time, and it can be constantly evolving and shifting.

And you are worth it.

Greater Than You

2005-10-07T15:39:00.000-04:00

Part of our emotional journey involves a time in our lives when we discover that there is something beyond each of us.

This can be a sense of God, Universe, Path, Energy, Light, Wisdom, World, Otherworld, Oneness, Unity, Community. You can almost insert anything and the common theme is that it would hold the role of, "other than you, yet a part of you, and of which you are a part."

This element can give us these things:

- a sense of belonging and connection
- a sense of mattering to the bigger picture
- an underlying purpose
- a guide for our actions
- a reason for what eludes us
- a way to cope with suffering
- a way to give the power to something else when we need to
- a will to go on

It is essential that we feel as though we are connected to something greater than ourselves as individuals in order to feel grounded in our reality and in our lives.

When you find that you can't make sense of it all, or you're feeling particularly weak and broken down, envision that you are connected.

Know that you belong here and are extremely necessary to something greater...just as you are.

Be Your Own Coach

2005-10-07T00:44:00.000-04:00

It's amazing what power these four words have: "You can do it."

And also, the power that these four words have: "You can't do it."

In your own mind, do you have an inner coach, or an inner critic?

When a team is losing, the coach is still there to the very end, persuading the players to perform their best.

If you can be your own coach, you might be surprised by how much more you actually can do or can make it through.

You don't even need to believe what you're telling yourself. Your brain will automatically store it as the truth. And it will also become a habit that you slowly begin to believe.

What do you have to gain by self-criticizing?

What do you have to lose by self-coaching?

What will you do differently today?

Finding Something in Your Day

2005-10-05T19:39:00.000-04:00

Perhaps you're having a day where nothing is going right. Long lines, bad traffic, bad schedule, mishaps, problems, stress, worries...it all piles on top of each other and it isn't getting better.

The next time you are in the midst of this kind of day, take one moment to find something, anything, that could be positive or beneficial:

- something around you that you find aesthetically pleasing
- someone who is with you who makes you feel not as alone
- some humor in the situation
- someone in your life who makes life worth living
- something that you are grateful for
- something that you can learn from this experience
- some scenario to compare your day to and put things in perspective

This gives every moment some meaning, and a way to make it a little better in your mind. It breaks up the chain of bad things that seems to keep getting longer.

It's amazing what one thought can do to change your outlook.

Getting Tagged?

2005-10-04T05:12:00.000-04:00

Respecting a tag by Jude and still trying to stick to my usual format...

The fifth line of my 23rd post was this:

"Whether or not you hold these beliefs, you may want to adhere to your own gifts of wisdom for these reasons: 1. Others will be more likely to believe you and follow your advice."

If you're interested in the rest of the post, see Follow Your Advice.

And I always believe that my own advice sneaks up on me in the most interesting ways. I'll be watching for it now. How about you?

Monday Quote on Peace

2005-10-03T16:44:00.000-04:00

"If I have been of service, if I have glimpsed more of the nature and essence of ultimate good, if I am inspired to reach wider horizons of thought and action, if I am at peace with myself, it has been a successful day." -- Alex Noble

This is an excellent way to approach the day's goals.

Personal Entry

2005-10-03T01:06:00.000-04:00

One more anonymous entry has been posted on Speaking Your Peace. Please take a moment to read and respond if you wish.

Dear Diary

2005-09-30T13:36:00.000-04:00

It was finally time to write my story. Please check out posting #10 on Speaking Your Peace. Thank you in advance.

Shedding

2005-09-29T09:27:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we need to shed all the things that we carry around and wear on a daily basis. You wouldn't wear everything in your closet at the same time, so why do it in your mind?

Shed the person who raged at you on the road because you made an honest mistake. Shed the one you raged at as well.

Shed the comments that your mom/sister/dad/brother/wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/ex/friend said that really upset you today.

Shed the crap that your coworker/boss/employee/colleague put on your plate to handle.

Shed the regrets and the anguish. It doesn't do any good.

Shed the hell of today or this week.

Shed the hurtful things they said to you in middle school that, for some reason, you still believe.

Shed the pain of last year.

Shed your tight shoulders, clenched teeth, and shallow breathing. Sometimes you don't even realize you're doing it.

Shed all that anxiety and worry over what may or may not happen.

Put all these things away in your mental closet. You have the opportunity every day to change that wardrobe. Perhaps it'll be a small change. Perhaps you'll do a complete makeover.

Shed the old you. Today you are the new you. Tomorrow you'll be a new you again.

Personal Entries

2005-09-27T19:40:00.000-04:00

Two new entries have been posted on Speaking Your Peace. Please take a moment to read them and respond if you wish.

Creating Rituals and Ceremonies

2005-09-27T00:24:00.000-04:00

Give your life meaning in your accomplishments, rare events, or milestones.

We naturally commemorate birthdays, anniversaries, weddings, births, and deaths. We need this as a part of the process of where to put these moments in our memories. It helps to have some sort of ritual to adhere all the emotions and thoughts surrounding an event.

No matter how small, how unusual, or how intangible, create rituals and ceremonies in your life. You grant yourself and others the opportunity to be valid and real. You give a space to feel. You ground your experiences to the real world around you.

It may seem silly at first, but try to create something new for yourself. It might be a commemoration for kicking an old habit, turning over a new leaf, crying over something in the past, burning an old artifact. Give yourself the opportunity to process your life in a new way. Ask your closest friends or relatives to join you in a ceremony. Invite your circle to celebrate or recognize a moment for you.

Do what feels sacred, special, sentimental, or serious.

Technical Question

2005-09-27T00:20:00.000-04:00

I know I've heard others mention it...but is it my counter or something else that is causing the pop-ups?

Administrator on Vacation

2005-08-02T19:53:00.000-04:00

I will be on vacation from August 3-14 and will not be posting to this site. Please feel free to read any of the archives and come back in a while when I'm back with new posts!

Monday Quote on Peace

2005-08-01T12:42:00.000-04:00

"We should take care, in inculcating patriotism into our boys and girls, that is a patriotism above the narrow sentiment which usually stops at one's country, and thus inspires jealousy and enmity in dealing with others... Our patriotism should be of the wider, nobler kind which recognises justice and reasonableness in the claims of others and which lead our country into comradeship with...the other nations of the world. The first step to this end is to develop peace and goodwill within our borders, by training our youth of both sexes to its practice as their habit of life, so that the jealousies of town against town, class against class and sect against sect no longer exist; and then to extend this good feeling beyond our frontiers towards our neighbours." Lord Baden-Powell

You and Others

2005-07-28T11:19:00.000-04:00

Why is it that we can sometimes hold on to so much of other people's words and actions?

It starts when we are infants. This is how we understand who we are...through the primary caregiver. This is how we even begin to comprehend our identity.

In a way, the importance of having a significant other, or friends, or family, is to help define who we are. It keeps us real. It helps us understand ourselves through others.

But then we continue this even after we establish the difference between ourselves and others. We take in what others say about us, take it in as if that is who we are.

We even take in what others do to us, even unjustly. We begin to identify ourselves by what others do and say, without realize that we are doing so. We sometimes wear it as if we are permanently damaged by the past.

The past makes us who we are today. But we can choose how and how much. We can choose if it positively affects us or negatively affects us.

If you find that you wish to change how you feel about yourself and that a lot of it has to do with other people, find some time to do some healing. Journal, draw, talk with someone you trust. Visualize yourself in a bubble, and these things that have happened as separate bubbles. Visualize the other people all in separate bubbles as well.

Take some real time to repair. If it hurts to much to think about it, and your strategy is to never think of it, then you are still wearing it very closely. It may come out in many other ways.

Remember that you are not defined by what others say and do.

Priorities and a Personal Mission Statement

2005-07-26T10:37:00.000-04:00

Each of us has a mental list of what is most important in life. Occasionally, we will get off track. We fill our lives with many different paths, projects, and people. We get caught up in too many details and things to remember and keep track of. We can spend a lot of energy in so many areas that we lose sight of what is at our core of our focus.

Sometimes it helps to streamline. We may have many things happening, but if they all can fit into a few large categories, it may feel as though our efforts continue to stay in one place, with some tasks possibly overlapping so that it's as if we have one to two "trees" with small branches all coming from the same trees, rather than ten different trees.

Sometimes we simply need to re-evaluate and cut out some of the things in our lives that are taking too much effort. Even if it's only mental effort, it can still be draining.

Be cautious when debating whether or not to cut down on personal interests or reacreational activities. These tend to be the first to go, as they may seem like a luxury. However, these activities actually help restore all of our motivation and energy that we apply to other commitments and obligations. Personal time deserves a top slot on the list of priorities.

Occasionally we feel as though we don't even know what we we're striving for or what is important to us. Throughout life these things can slightly change as well. Take a few minutes to do a personal mission statement. It helps to solidify your role and your purpose in this life and allows everything else to fall into place behind that statement.

A way to jumpstart your personal mission statement is on this Franklin-Covey website. It has a few questions to give you some root words that you then turn into sentences.

A personal mission statement can be one sentence or one paragraph. Make it meaningful to you.

Monday Quotes on Peace

2005-07-25T14:51:00.000-04:00

There never was a good war, or a bad peace. -- Benjamin Franklin

Peace is a daily, a weekly, a monthly process, gradually changing opinions, slowly eroding old barriers, quietly building new structures. -- John F. Kennedy

Peace is not something you wish for; it's something you make, something you do, something you are, something you give away. -- Robert Fulghum

B-r-e-a-t-h-e

2005-07-23T00:32:00.000-04:00

Once again, it's time for a reminder to breathe. Breathing is good for stress reduction, improved concentration, level moods, and and overall better focus and perspective on life.

Allow your belly to slowly expand as you inhale and count to three.

Then slowly push your navel back toward your spine as you exhale and count to three.

Keep your shoulders down. Let your shoulder blades slide down your back.

Almost let your belly drop down and out as it fills with air again.

Do this for one minute. Notice how slowly sixty seconds passes when you're breathing deeply.

Be aware of quick and shallow breathing or whenever you begin to hold your breath throughout the day. Remind yourself to b-r-e-a-t-h-e.

Hindsight

2005-07-21T03:21:00.000-04:00

While hindsight is 20/20, it is also a dangerous perception to have. It can cultivate a habit of negative thinking that will work against us as we talk to ourselves.

Hindsight has an advantage that we don't have before a situation has occurred: hindsight already has the results in hand. It tells us that we should have known better, that we could have done things differently, that we are inferior somehow.

Most of us are not prophets and therefore cannot predict with accuracy and attain the desired results every time. Even if we may have suspected that a certain situation might happen, the odds of that scenario happening was the same as perhaps a dozen others.

Catch yourself the next time you begin this type of negative thinking. Remind yourself that you made the best decisions at the time, with the information that you had.

Always Running Late

2005-07-20T03:04:00.000-04:00

Do you find yourself late for many of your scheduled activities or appointments, even with the best intentions of being on time?

Do you beat yourself up over this pattern and stress as you are en route?

You have several options to alleviate this chronic tardiness and the mental anguish that accompanies it.

1) Make it your daily priority to be on time. Before your day begins, employ your strategy to consciously improve your punctuality. Visualize it. Have a mantra.

2) Cut out some of your planned activities or tasks. Do not feel pressured to fit it all into one day, as you can already see from the past that it doesn't all fit.

3) Estimate your travel time accurately. Build in extra time for unexpected delays before and during the travel.

4) If outside demands (work, family, school) do not allow enough time in the day, begin to address this with others. If it's not possible to be on time, it's not possible to keep it all in your schedule.

5) Work toward being somewhere early. Take projects or reading material with you to fill the extra time. See what it feels like to be in this position and use it as motivation for future successes.

6) Accept your tardiness when it happens. You are running late, and stressing will not get you there faster. Breathe deeply, alert others of your estimated arrival time, think of what you will do to accomodate for the time, and arrive to your destination calmly.

Say it Out Loud

2005-07-19T05:02:00.000-04:00

You never know what will happen when you actually say things out loud.

If you have problems, questions, or needs, you may want to begin talking about them. People will produce the answers, or the connections to other people. It is much more likely that we will attain our goals if we begin to talk about them.

Even if you talk out loud by yourself, it can be helpful. Daunting thoughts or fears tend to dissipate rather than build in your mind. Many people believe that saying your desires out loud will send them out to the universe or an ethereal being to be carried out.

Never underestimate the power of the spoken word. Your voice can be strong, soothing, and essential for many outcomes.

Monday Quotes on Peace

2005-07-18T11:08:00.000-04:00

If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. -- Mother Teresa

Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding. -- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Peace is not a relationship of nations. It is a condition of mind brought about by a serenity of soul. Peace is not merely the absence of war. It is also a state of mind. Lasting peace can come only to peaceful people. -- Jawaharlal Nehru

It does take each of us to begin to be a peaceful world. And it takes each of us to begin to learn about each other.

Take a moment to learn a little more about someone around you today.

Start Anything

2005-07-17T10:45:00.000-04:00

We have the tendency to refrain from starting new projects or endeavors for the following reasons: 1) other tasks are not completed, 2) we really don't have time to see it through, and 3) why start it if we're not going to finish it?

When a new idea pops into our minds, you may turn to it with disapproval, without giving it a chance. Yet, perhaps, it could be a possibility.

Allow your mind to daydream a little. Go with the new idea. Start on it. Why not? Start it with no expectations of finishing it, with no judgment of its success or failure, and without being critical about the logistics.

If you have a new thought, follow it. It will take you on an adventure whose destination is unknown. You may never even reach the end, because along the way, something else might pleasantly distract you. You meet someone new, you learn something new, you try something new.

Find satisfying results in the meanderings of the initial whim that took you there. Do not be disappointed with what you thought you should have accomplished. It requires no explanation to others, either. After all, it was your choice to embark, and your choice to drift and detour.

Relish the serendipity of life with no regrets in your recreations.

If you still find that incomplete projects are too daunting, do some follow up reading with Do One Thing.

Entanglements

2005-07-16T04:10:00.000-04:00

You may have a relationship in which you don't always know where the other person ends and where you begin. While this may make for an intense connection, it can also open the door to an imbalance and may not be healthy for you, your development, or your boundaries.

If something feels like too much chaos, too much intensity, or too much confusion, chances are there are very blurry lines in your relationship and it is quite difficult to define issues or conflicts if the two of you are enmeshed.

If you want to change this, but find yourself sucked back in time after time, visualize that you are in a web, slowly untangling yourself, one strand at a time. Begin thought-stopping, in which you either question the validity of the interaction or you tell yourself that this is not what you want. Establish other relationships or talk to others about their relationships that do not have this similar dynamic in order to know what it feels like when there isn't an imbalance. Do you see respect? Do see safety and trust? Do you see two separate people who are very closely involved yet still have their own identities?

Sometimes you will make more accommodations for people you've known longer, people you have to work with, or family members. Remember that you are keeping a certain proximity at a certain cost to you. You do have the choice to put some distance between yourself and others. It can be a small amount, or perhaps simply distance in your mind. You also have the choice to speak differently, behave differently, and react differently. Just because a person is used to you playing a certain role does not mean you must commit to that role for your life.

What is most important is that you do what is best for your own mental health. How you do it is your choice.

Sleep

2005-07-15T12:21:00.000-04:00

Lack of sleep has the exact symptoms of depression. Many times it is easy to confuse the two. You will feel as though you are depressed when you actually require some real rest. If you feel overwhelmed, unmotivated, easily irritated....try to take a nap or get a full night's sleep and see how you feel afterward.

If you suffer from sleeping problems, you will continually also suffer from other conditions as a result. If you have consistent low energy levels or mood changes, perhaps you are not getting deep sleep and do not realize it. Seek professional help to investigate this.

If you do find that you have been sleeping much more than usual, or do not feel better after many successive long periods of sleep, you may perhaps have a psychological or physical condition that requires professional diagnosis.

Keep a regular schedule for sleep. Give your body the rest that it requires.

Inertia

2005-07-14T03:31:00.000-04:00

"An object at rest will remain at rest, and an object in uniform motion will remain in uniform motion, unless acted upon by an outside force."-- Sir Isaac Newton

When we are quite busy, we tend to keep that pace going. We wouldn't know what to do with ourselves if we had a period of time that wasn't scheduled for anything.

When we are not very busy, our own sedentary ways seem to lull us into even less activity. It becomes more and more difficult to initiate any task or project.

When we get out of a habit or a routine, especially those that are good for us (exercise, eating healthy, getting enough sleep), we find that it takes great effort to get back into it again.

While our tendency is to stay in the mode we've allowed, we do have the power to radically change it. It will not always be a struggle to fight off the tendencies that we wish to change. It's the first moment of change that is the hardest, and then it eventually becomes easier.

Get support, encouragement, help, or advice from others if you need it. Use all the strength you have to change your direction or path. Consider small change progress rather than expecting overnight success. Remember that sometimes the only thing keeping you from changing is your mind.

Do not give up or give in to a lifestyle that you do not wish to lead.

What would you like to change today?

Visualization

2005-07-13T03:15:00.000-04:00

Close your eyes and visualize a place that brings you the most peace. It can be a place in nature, a fantasy place, or it can be a place in your past. Go there. Try to see as many details as possible. Even attempt to hear or smell or taste. Stay as long as you can. Breathe deeply.

You may prefer to revisit a favorite memory and can get more directions from A Moment of Joy.

If you do this once a day, you could notice health and psychological benefits. The brain is greatly affected by visualization because it does not distinguish between sensations in the real world, or recalled sensations within one's mind. It simply records and sends messages to the body as it is told to do. For more interesting research see #5 on this list.

You can also visualize things that you wish for your future. When you create these visualizations, your brain sends these images to your subconscious which then begins to work with you to make those things possible. When doing this type of visualization, be careful not to send negative or skeptical messages that would negate the power of thought.

Visualization is also an effective method for healing old pains in the past. Visualize what you would like to do differently, what you would like to say, how you would like to be there for yourself at that time. Visualize a future life with that pain detached from you.

Here is a chart that lists the different types of brainwaves and their attributes.

If you've tried a visualization and have found it to be difficult, continue to try it. As with many things, it improves with practice.

The Arts

2005-07-12T07:57:00.000-04:00

Visual Art. Dance. Music. Theatre.

They tap into a part of us that we cannot always define. They fill a need, awaken the spirit, or soothe the soul. It's one of the universal factors of humans. In one way or another we all tap into the arts.

We have these before we have language. Before humans began to use words to communicate, they used symbols and gestures. As infants, before we can speak, we can connect with imagery and rhythms. As children, we freely drew or sang or danced. Many times, as adults, we have the element of embarrassment to hold us back.

Do not let your judgment of the quality of your expression keep you from expressing. If you do not have the urge to actually participate, then connect with what others express. The arts can resonate with many levels of the conscious, subconscious, and unconscious.

See The Need for Expression for more about this.

How do the arts affect you? What would you like to explore further?

Monday Quotes on Peace

2005-07-11T05:50:00.000-04:00

These quotes all come from HeartMath Solution, an innovative non-profit company that focuses on better performance of the mind and body in order to have better work and personal performance.

"You can never get to peace and inner security without first acknowledging all of the good things in your life. If you're forever wanting and longing for more without first appreciating things the way they are, you'll stay in discord."

"At that elusive moment when we transcend our ordinary performance and feel in harmony with something else—whether it's a glorious sunset, inspiring music or another human being—our studies have shown that what we are really coming in sync with is ourselves. Not only do we feel more relaxed and at peace, but this entrained state increases our ability to perform well and offers numerous health benefits."

"The heart shows us the inherent core values in our lives and brings us closer to the sense of true security and belonging we all need. Heart intelligence is often accompanied by a solid, secure and balanced feeling. We can tell when we are in contact with the heart by how it feels. The intelligence of the heart acts as an impetus for what some scientists call "qualia" — our experience of the feelings and qualities of love, compassion, non-judgment, tolerance, patience and true forgiveness. These qualities are often accompanied by a peaceful, clear state of awareness."

"Thoughts and feelings play a major role in everything we do. It is through these inner processes that we experience our happiness and peace of mind—or the worst day we've ever had."

Perspectives

2005-07-10T13:22:00.000-04:00

Try this exercise.

Think of one person in your life whom you don't always understand. Perhaps it's even someone with whom you tend to have a lot of conflict.

Spend a few minutes thinking about every aspect of that person's life. Think about that person's upbringing, circumstances, emotions, level of satisfaction with life, changes and stresses, critical events, and political and religious views. Give a monologue as that person. What would you say?

You may be surprised that even though you've known someone all of your life, you will discover so much more by using this technique.

You can even do this with strangers, imagining what may have happened in their lives and how they see the world and themselves. This works particularly well when a stranger's actions cause us aggravation or anger.

Each of us has a very unique perspective. In order to better live with each other, we need to use this skill of seeing someone else's perspective. It allows us to have more compassion, understanding, patience, and can give us more inner peace about others around us.

Intentions

2005-07-09T18:16:00.000-04:00

Many times we assign intentions to other people's actions without even realizing it.

If a person doesn't change a behavior, we sometimes believe the person refuses to change, or doesn't care. We may forget how difficult it is to actually change.

We project our own fears, hidden motives, or expectations onto other people and see their actions through those filters. We also have our own sets of cultural norms, personal rules, we say things to ourselves such as, "I would never do that."

When you recall a situation in your mind, notice if you report the facts, as a newspaper article, or if you attach the thoughts, feelings, and intentions that you believe the other person has. You can only truly report your own feelings unless the other person communicated what was happening inside the mind.

We are each extremely unique individuals.

Comparisons

2005-07-08T03:21:00.000-04:00

When we are around many people in our daily lives, we sometimes compare ourselves to others. We do this on so many levels and in so many different areas.

We want to ask ourselves: does this benefit us?

Occasionally it is good to do a comparison, in order to feel more normal, to establish what the acceptable range is, or maybe to have a little motivation, inspiration, and competition.

Sometimes it isn't healthy, and we can feel worse simply by looking at others.

Another important question to ask: are we making fair comparisons?

The key to this is that we tend to compare our inner selves that contain all of our flaws, secrets, and negative thoughts, with the outer selves that other people present.

You'll notice this when you see someone who looks calm and confident in a social setting, and you feel as though you could never be that way, but you hear from the person later, "I was a nervous wreck the whole time." The media present only the best (or the worst) of celebrities, which also sends unrealistic messages.

When you find yourself comparing, ask yourself if it's healthy and fair before making any decisions.

Deepak Chopra

2005-07-07T11:06:00.001-04:00

Dr. Deepak Chopra is famous for his writings that bring together alternative medicine, quantum physics, and spirituality.

Deepak Chopra now has a blog . It is authentic and linked to his main website, The Chopra Center.

He also delivers the message, "Peace is the Way" and has a link for anyone who believes in peace and would like to register to be a PeaceMaker.

Visit one of these sites today to be inspired.

The Dalai Lama Speaks

2005-07-06T14:15:00.000-04:00

"Peace, in the sense of the absence of war, is of little value to someone who is dying of hunger or cold. It will not remove the pain of torture inflicted on a prisoner of conscience. It does not comfort those who have lost their loved ones in floods caused by senseless deforestation in a neighboring country. Peace can only last where human rights are respected, where people are fed, and where individuals and nations are free." -- The XIVth Dalai Lama

This illustrates the thought process of focusing on all the things that require our attention, constantly working hard, striving, making it through our days with many of our own difficulties, pains, and suffering, and then we refocus and look at the entire world, and wonder, where do we even begin?

The question doesn't really require an answer. We simply do what we can, with our thoughts, words, and actions.

A Film to Expand the Mind

2005-07-05T03:16:00.000-04:00

What the Bleep Do We Know!? is a film that explores quantum physics and spirituality and how the two are involved in our reality. It is a documentary of interviews with scientists and mystics woven into a storyline with Marlee Matlin as the protagonist.This independent film became an instant success and served as a catalyst for many conversations, projects, and meetings of the minds.

One of the most memorable scenes for many people is the interview with Dr. Joe Dispenza known as "I Create My Day." Here is what he says:

"I wake up in the morning and I consciously create my day the way I want it to happen. Now sometimes, because my mind is examining all the things that I need to get done, it takes me a little bit to settle down and get to the point of where I'm actually intentionally creating my day. But here's the thing: When I create my day and out of nowhere little things happen that are so unexplainable, I know that they are the process or the result of my creation. And the more I do that, the more I build a neural net in my brain that I accept that that's possible. (This) gives me the power and the incentive to do it the next day.

"So if we're consciously designing our destiny, and if we're consciously from a spiritual standpoint throwing in with the idea that our thoughts can affect our reality or affect our life -- because reality equals life -- then I have this little pact that I have when I create my day. I say, 'I'm taking this time to create my day and I'm infecting the quantum field. Now if (it) is in fact the observer is watching me the whole time that I'm doing this and there is a spiritual aspect to myself, then show me a sign today that you paid attention to any one of these things that I created, and bring them in a way that I won't expect, so I'm surprised at my ability to be able to experience these things. And make it so that I have no doubt that it's coming from you,' and so I live my life, in a sense, all day long thinking about being a genius or thinking about being the glory and the power of God or thinking about being unconditional love.

"I'll use living as a genius, for example. And as I do that during parts of the day, I'll have thoughts that are so amazing, that cause a chill in my physical body, that have come from nowhere. But then I remember that that thought has an associated energy that's produced an effect in my physical body. Now that's a subjective experience, but the truth is that I don't think that unless I was creating my day to have unlimited thought, that that thought would come."

This entire movie gives us food for thought to last a lifetime.

Clearing Your Space

2005-07-04T03:20:00.000-04:00

Clutter=chaos.

Some of us state that we are comfortable with the clutter or prefer to live this way. For those of us who feel somewhat overwhelmed, slightly depressed, unmotivated, or tired in some areas of our lives, perhaps clearing our own spaces would be helpful. Many times we cannot control what happens at work, or with our families, and therefore it could be reassuring that we do have control over our space.

Every time we see clutter around us, even peripherally, it registers in our minds that there is some disorganization around us, and that perhaps, we are accepting it because it's difficult to change it. Again, we are also giving up more of our control.

Clearing our space gives us the power to change something in our environment and feel organized and proud rather than disorganized and apologetic. Clearing our space also relieves us of the extra mental energy that it takes to accept the clutter and remember where everything is by navigating through our memory map, rather than through a logical filing system. We feel lighter, cleaner, and more confident in our ability to tackle other challenges. We can begin to make our space a sanctuary.

You can do this quite minimally. Put away one thing today. Throw away one thing today. Move some things out of the way to decide upon at another time.

How does "clutter vs. clear" affect your life?

Apologies, part two

2005-07-03T15:46:00.000-04:00

On Apology by Aaron Lazare and The Power of Apology by Beverly Engel are two books that address the act of apologizing. Lazare offers the history of, and analysis of apologies to individuals or to groups, while Engel also analyzes the importance of apologies, and applies them to interpersonal interactions.

Both authors focus on the fact that successful apologies do have three vital components and while each author has a slightly different variation of these three components, they essential are:

- acknowledging the action for which the apology is being made
- expressing feelings of remorse
- offering something in order to repair the situation

While this is an elaborate apology for a minor action, it is certainly a well-constructed apology when the behavior causes conflict between two people.

Sincerity is the key element in the delivery of any apology.

Either book is essential to learn more about the art and psychology of apologizing.

Apologies, part one

2005-07-02T13:32:00.000-04:00

Apologies have quite different meanings to each of us. While we have some general rules on when and how to apologize, the giving and receiving part is laden with our own personal expectations or beliefs.

Occasionally we put a lot of weight into apologies. It is the one thing that we wait for from someone else, to make everything right again. Sometimes we don't give it any importance at all, believing that the apology is full of empty words and that the proof is in the change of behavior.

Here are some guidelines for apologies:

1. Give an apology when you are genuinely sorry that something in your control affected someone in a way that you did not intend. This apology does not signify that you inarguably did something wrong, it is a way to acknowledge that there was a discrepancy in expectations and actions.

2. Give an apology with no expectation that it will be well-received, that trust will be restored, or that it will solve the conflict. Simply remember what you have control over--giving the apology.

3. While you may want an apology, and you may request it, your efforts to demand it or to keep conflict going without an apology may not be beneficial to you. If your happiness depends upon someone else's actions, you have given up the control to choose your own emotions.

4. In accepting an apology, you are not condoning or excusing behavior. It does also not equate to forgiving. You are simply acknowledging that someone is apologizing. You can accept an apology for what it is addressing, and continue to act upon future events or interactions. Allow the apology to represent exactly what it is. Any promise of change is separate from the apology.

5. A person can choose to act certain ways repeatedly and also follow those actions with repeated apologies. Each of these apologies carries the same weight, regardless of a lack of change in behavior. However, you can also choose to change the relationship with or the expectations of the other person. Allow the apology to stand on its own, yet choose to think or act in a way that will work best for you.

You can only control what you say, what you think, and how you act. The rest lies with the other person.

Each of us has a unique set of personal rules, developed through our history, family, culture, and society. We may all interpret each other in quite different ways. The key is to be able to successfully communicate, cooperate, and live together on this planet.

What meaning does an apology have for you and the people around you?

Attachments

2005-07-01T03:41:00.000-04:00

Buddhist practitioners and Falun Gong practitioners believe that the root of our suffering is in our attachments--attachments to possessions, people, status, and emotions, to name a few. In order to obtain peace and higher level of being, these practitioners learn to let go of their attachments.

Attachments are measured by how strongly we are connected to and identify with our thoughts and emotions. The more we can detach ourselves, the more peace we can experience.

Thoughts and emotions are quite valid and need to be recognized. However, when we embody them and are consumed by them, then we have developed an attachment.

Examples:

- Jealousy is an attachment to what you fear
- Anger is an attachment to what you expect
- Resentment is an attachment to what you believe you deserve

We can embrace our thoughts and feelings without becoming them. Try to imagine them in separate bubbles. Hold them in space, away from you. This can help the process of lessening the attachment.

What are you attached to, and what could you possibly let go of, even if just a little?

To Be Disconnected

2005-06-30T03:31:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we actually need a hiatus from our lives and our worlds.

Sometimes we want to be in a vacuum, or bubble, or nothingness.

It can be helpful to step away from it all, especially when we are too involved in our own situations, or too emotional, or find that our thoughts continue to circle, with no conclusion.

How do you get disconnected temporarily?

- go for a hike in the woods, be with nature
- drive with no music, and preferably not a lot of traffic
- if you're on an airplane, gaze out the window at the world below
- bathe and soak with your ears just below the water
- be alone with earplugs, to only hear the soft static of muffled air
- meditate or visualize a peaceful place

Simply taking a few steps away can help you refocus and perhaps see things differently. Even 60 seconds can seem like a long time in your mind.

Give yourself a moment to disconnect from it all.

Feeling Connected

2005-06-29T03:30:00.000-04:00

We are mostly social beings...we tend to crave the touch. This is why we have handshakes, hugs, massages, cuddling, and many, many other forms of touch. Touch helps us to remember that we are alive. We rely on all of our sensations to feed the brain with the reality of our worlds. Touch has the power to heal, comfort, and strengthen. It tells us where the boundaries are, where we are, where everything else is. It grounds us.

Some people prefer less physical touching from other people. Some people only desire being touched by family and friends. Do not forget that the touch of an animal is just as powerful. And when all living creatures are inaccessible, touching plants, trees, and the earth have beneficial results as well. Many times we go into nature to feel more connected. Or we garden. Let your bare feet touch the grass, sand, or dirt, and allow the energy to flow in and out.

The only thing separating ourselves from everything else is our own skin. To balance that separation, we need to feel the closeness. Connections through touch are vital in our daily lives.

How connected do you feel and how do you feed that need?

The Need for Expression

2005-06-28T09:00:00.000-04:00

One of the inescapable and vital roles we play is a receiver. We a constantly taking life in, in multitudes of experiences.

We can only take in so much before it has to start coming out, one way or another.

We react, we process, we think, we feel.

If we do not utilize some form of expression, we allow all that we have absorbed to potentially manifest as negative thought pattersn or maladaptive behaviors.

We can only hold so much.

Even a sponge can only hold a certain capacity before it begins to leak and drip and push excess liquid around. It is no longer functional until it is squeezed out.

Let it out and let it go.

Sometimes we have to carry on with daily lives and full schedules, so we tuck the emotions away for another time. We need to remember to fully acknowledge them. The sooner we can do this (in terms of days, rather than years), the healthier we become.

While meditation, relaxation, and visualization are all excellent ways to calm and center yourself, there are times that we need more than this. These techniques actually assist in creating the time and space for expression to follow.

Some ways to express:

talk, outloud to yourself or anyone who will listen
cry, even if it's during a movie
scream, possibly into a pillow
draw, even if it's scribbling
paint, even with your fingers
sculpt, possibly with playdoh or silly putty
make things with your hands, to push the energy out
sing, perhaps loudly with a song
dance, and let the arms and legs move on their own
journal, where your stream-of-consciousness takes over
do anything strenuous, in which you exert a lot of physical energy
laugh to release physical tightness, emotional restraint, and allow the blood to circulate
breathe deeply and use your voice as your exhale, with "ahhh"

We convince ourselves that we can't do many of these things for fear of embarrassment or being judged, even by ourselves. But expressions are extremely necessary to allow the release and allow the feelings to be witnessed and validated, with no critique.

Try to express yourself in ways you usually resist. Let it go, let it happen unjudged.

Personal Entries

2005-06-27T07:47:00.000-04:00

One new entry has been posted on Speaking Your Peace. Please take a moment to read it and respond if you are so moved to.

Balance

2005-06-27T03:00:00.000-04:00

The way nature stays in harmony is by having balance. Sun, water, air, animals, plants, viruses...nature needs a certain proportion of all of it to maintain. Too much of any of these ingredients, and there's a possible dangerous shift.

The way a human stays in harmony is the same. We have sleep, food, shelter, sun, exercise, education, work, play, pain, laughter, community, family, introspection, and much more. Too much of anything can be unbalanced. Imbalance can be at the root of what isn't going well in our lives. Or imbalance can be the indicator of something deeper that needs to be examined.

You can approach it either way. Looking deeper and healing what's inside can slowly help alleviate what is out of balance. Or, being more balanced can help to alleviate some of what is deeper. Both can be working together at the same time to bring you closer to your optimal state of mind and body.

Find your balance. Find what brought you imbalance. Everyone is slightly different. When adjusting your lifestyle, make minor changes, to avoid going from one extreme to the other and not being satisfied with any of the results.

Selfish or Not?

2005-06-26T14:15:00.000-04:00

Selfish = only thinking of one's self
Selfless = not thinking of one's self

We need one more word to be added to the dictionary:

Self-full = thinking for one's self

We are consistently taught that selfishness is not a valued trait. Yet, the ironic part is that if we are not selfish to some degree, we cannot truly function well for ourselves or for others. The internal system would come crashing down if we tried to be endlessly selfless.

Reteach yourself the mantra, "In order to love others, you must learn to love yourself."

Remember the protocol for being in an airplane and suddenly the oxygen supply is cut off. You are instructed to put the mask on your self first, and then help others who cannot do it for themselves. This protocol is good to apply to life.

Be self-full, and then, in turn, you can be selfless.

Controlling Your Mind

2005-06-25T03:22:00.000-04:00

This comes from Daily Om, which is a wonderful source of daily wisdom. It supports a message I have had as a theme in some of my posts, and I thought it was worth repeating. This is backed by empirical evidence that it is the most successful method to changing chronic thought patterns and emotions that are not due to diagnosable mental or physical conditions.

Controlling Your Mind
Unwanted Thoughts

Negative thoughts exist for most of humanity. When they arise, they can spiral into a deluge of gloomy thoughts or even depression. There are times when it seems impossible to stop thinking of the world's ills or replaying every moment of a bad memory. It's like having a song stuck in your head, only more intense and emotionally draining. Unwanted thoughts that persist can distract you from your life. Luckily, there are ways to consciously release them and to trick your mind into refocusing its attention on more positive subjects.

When unwanted dark thoughts are swirling in your head, it can be difficult to concentrate on anything else. You need to take back your attention and to refocus it. Start by shouting out loud or inside your mind something jarring and to the point, such as "Stop!" or "That's enough!" Any word or phrase is fine, as long as it is momentarily shocking. Doing so may be enough, or you may want to try thought stopping. First, take a few deep breaths, relax, and picture a scene in which you feel comfortable, optimistic, and good about yourself. Note every detail, even if the setting isn't a real place. Next time unwanted thoughts occur, yell "Stop!" and then immediately begin imagining your scene, replacing the unwanted thought with something positive.

Never try to "think away" an unwanted thought because you will simply strengthen it. It can be helpful to share your unwanted thought with someone, thereby lessening your mind's preoccupation with it. If you're uncomfortable doing so, simply distract yourself when unwanted thoughts begin cycling. Recite the alphabet, tackle some chores, do a puzzle, exercise (which released hormones that may quell unwanted thoughts), or perform a conscious breathing meditation.

It's natural to experience negative thought patterns or even obsess over a memory, but there is no need to let it overwhelm you. It may be difficult at first to replace negative thoughts with positive ones or to concentrate on a puzzle when you can't let go of a thought. Techniques like thought stopping and using other forms of distraction to rid you of unwanted thoughts get easier and easier with time and it really does work.

You can visit the site at any time to register for your Daily Om messages to be e-mailed to you.

On Shame

2005-06-24T03:25:00.000-04:00

We frequently speak of our sadness, anger, joy, guilt, anxiety, and even fear. But we rarely speak of our shame.

Shame is one of the first emotions we experience as infants. It is a healthy shame when we first realize that we are human, that we are not perfect, and that we depend on others for our survival. It is an unhealthy shame when it permeates through to how we view ourselves.

When you look in the mirror, and you look past appearances, do you like the person you see? Do you love the person you see?

Do you allow yourself to make mistakes? Do you give yourself a break?

Do you omit blame and criticism from your personal interactions?

Do you have healthy relationships with strong boundaries?

If the answer is not yes, there is a chance that you have an unhealthy level of shame, embedded in your psyche from your childhood years.

Shame is one of the emotions we felt as children, as we became more aware of who we were. The amount of shame depends on the appropriateness of the parenting and the level of love we felt. Shame is also one of the emotions that is rarely modeled for us. People are often even ashamed of having shame. We hide it, ignore it, and in doing so, we embody it, make it a part of us, and let it manifest in a variety of ways that are quite difficult to detect as shame-based.

Psychotherapist John Bradshaw wrote Healing the Shame That Binds You. One of the exercises in this book concentrates on healing the inner child. See if this shortened version does anything for you.

Take a moment to close your eyes and go back in time to your childhood when you may have felt shame, abandonement, or suffering. As the adult, take the child that is you by the hand, let your child know that he/she is loved, that you know him/her better than anyone else, and that you will never ever leave. Then, allow your child to shrink into the size of your hand and place your child in your heart. Keep your child safe there as you go to a peaceful place in nature and awaken your whole mind and heart to your world.

If this has any affect, you may want to check out the book for other exercises and insight into the many effects that shame can have on you.

If nothing else, write down some of the things you are most ashamed of. Writing it down separates this emotion from who you are. Throw away the paper when you are done if you wish. You can also visit Speaking Your Peace or PostSecret if you wish to release any shame anonymously yet publicly.

Then, tell yourself, "I love you and accept you unconditionally exactly as you are." Do this as often as you can.

Do not let shame hide within your beautiful self.

A Quote on Courage

2005-06-23T15:26:00.000-04:00

"Courage does not always roar.

Sometimes courage is the quiet voice at the end of the day saying,

"I will try again tomorrow."

Mary Anne Radmacher

Living by Example

2005-06-22T08:50:00.000-04:00

As much as we have free will and choice, we also find ourselves influenced by everyday occurrences in the world around us. We do not live in a vacuum. We can either be encouraged or discouraged by our environment and others around us. This affects our thoughts, words, and actions.

It is important to remember that it is still our choice to be affected by our surroundings.

Could you find yourself as a recipient and a participant of a long chain of negative reactions?

Could you be the initiator of a long chain of positive reactions in spite of the negativity you receive?

Could you instill hope, encouragement, growth, and inspiration?

Yes.

You can choose to live by example even in the midst of the world's problems. You can be the one glimmer of hope that people around you see in their day. You can begin to change things simply by being true to yourself.

If you've never seen the movie or read the book Pay it Forward, put it on your list of things to do.

Then see what is happening in the very real Pay it Forward Movement ever since the book came out. It's amazing what people are capable of doing.

R-e-l-a-x

2005-06-21T09:46:00.000-04:00

You are most likely seated as you are reading this. Take this moment to truly relax as you are in this resting position.

Allow your pelvis to sink in, without slouching, letting gravity pull your core down.

Allow your toes to wiggle loosely. Fingers, too.

Allow your shoulder blades to slide down your back.

Allow your neck and head to loosen and be free. Loosen your jaw, leaving a slight space between your upper and lower teeth.

Allow all the muscles in your face to loosen and relax.

Breathe deeply through your belly, and let the stomach soften.

Sometimes we hold our bodies so tightly, even while sitting or lying down, that we are seldom truly relaxing. Your body waits for the brain’s commands. Remember to tell all your body parts to relax at least once a day.

Finding Meaning

2005-06-20T04:34:00.000-04:00

Psychotherapist Viktor Frankl wrote Man’s Search for Meaning, about his experiences in the concentration camp and the critical ability to find meaning in order to maintain sanity. The prison guards were able to strip away everything in his life except his thoughts. After these experiences, he developed “Logotherapy” which is based on choosing to find meaning in one’s life as an effective strategy for mental health.

To find meaning in life as the big picture, you must first find meaning in all the situations that happen in your life.

You have essentially two choices:

1) You can view each of your experiences as random, undpredictable, and uncontrollable, and automatically respond in a reactionary manner

OR

2) You can view each of your experiences as an opportunity to gain meaning, wisdom, and insight, and choose the way in which you will respond

Rather than asking life, “What is the meaning of this?” Frankl challenges us to answer that very question that life is asking us.

How will you choose to view what life gives you today?

Gratitude

2005-06-19T10:13:00.000-04:00

When we have a genuine appreciation for things and people in our lives, we find more fulfillment in what we have and we focus less on what we do not have.

Take a few minutes to think of:

5 people you are grateful to have met and/or still have in your life

4 phrases you are grateful someone said to you

3 qualities you are grateful to possess

2 events you are grateful to have witnessed

1 thing you are grateful for today

Think of these gratitudes often and fondly.

Personal Entries

2005-06-18T19:09:00.000-04:00

Two people have posted their thoughts on Speaking Your Peace. Please take a moment to read their entries and respond if you are so moved to.

On Anger

2005-06-18T13:25:00.000-04:00

Anger is an emotion that frequently masks other deeper emotions. When we feel anger, we almost always have something else at the root: hurt, fear, even sadness.

Anger is also an emotion that we can frequently misplace. We may feel anger toward another person when we are truly most angry at ourselves. We may feel anger at a trivial situation when we truly are angry about something more significant in our lives. We may feel angry toward people in our present when we are truly angry toward people in our past.

Anger has a way of quickly flaring up and assigning itself a target. When you notice that you are angry, step away from the situation, put your hand on your chest, look down your arm, breathe deeply, and feel what emotion is underneath your hand. It is most likely the anger. Next, attempt to feel what lies underneath that. When you explore further, you may find the root of your emotions as well as other subjects for which you are having these emotions. For more details on this exercise, see In the Center of You.

The Cynic in Us

2005-06-17T11:15:00.000-04:00

It's easy to do. We've been burned, we've had disappointments. Sometimes it's easier to just expect the worst and then we won't have high hopes. Yet, when we do this, we might self-sabotage a situation, or only look at situations with pessimistic eyes instead of seeing perhaps any value from the outcome. Then when the negative results come, we match it with the expectations we had, further cementing our belief in a negative world. We also continue to build the walls around our hearts and close ourselves off to anything positive.

It's a cycle and a habit. Both get stronger until we make the conscious decision to stop.

Beth Nickerson delivered a speech at an Arizona State University graduation with this message:

"One of my personal projects has been to try to reduce my cynicism by seeing the glass as half-full. If I later find out the glass is indeed half-empty after all, the worst result will have been I spent a few years being wrong but happy. That's a risk I'm willing to take. And the great thing is that whether the glass is half-full or half-empty, I can always get a refill."

How will you look at things today?

Time Spent Worrying (part two)

2005-06-16T11:49:00.000-04:00

See the 6/2/2005 entry, Time Spent Worrying for reasons to stop worrying.

If the idea of not worrying is wonderful, but you have no idea of how to change that habit, or it seems easier said than done, perhaps this approach will work for you...as a temporary step or as an alternative option:

1. Set aside a specific amount of time once a day. You can make it 5 minutes, 30 minutes, or 60 minutes. Schedule whatever is feasible for you.

2. In that time frame, do nothing but worry. Spend all your mental energy focusing on just your problems, concerns, fears, or the future. Make it the best worrying you've ever done.

3. When your time is up, discipline yourself to stop worrying and move on with your day's tasks. After all, you have tomorrow scheduled to worry again.

Either this will give your mind the time it asks for to have your true worries, or this will help you see that it is draining and perhaps not worth the time you set aside for it.

Try this for at least 2-3 days to see how it affects you.

Speaking Your Peace

2005-06-15T09:21:00.000-04:00

There are times that we have things deep in our minds or deep in our past, and we don't realize how these thoughts actually affect our present day situations. We sometimes think that with more time, the effects automatically lessen, the wounds finally heal, and we can move on.

Sometimes we can't move on if we've never allowed these thoughts to be witnessed. Witnessing is many times the way to heal.

You can write a letter that is never sent. You can burn it or tear it up when you're done. Many of you already post the deepest things about you in your own blogs and have experienced what it is like for others to comment.

If there is something you have always wanted to post anonymously, or on a site specifically meant for this purpose, visit my other site, Speaking Your Peace. Post a confession, a pain, a dreaded fear, or a secret. Make a formal request for the type of feedback you need. You are among peers, friends, and strangers who will offer you the best comfort, support, and advice. Healing happens in the company of others.

You can also visit PostSecret to mail in an anonymous secret on a postcard. However, at this site, there are no opportunities to receive feedback. It is worth visiting to see what others have done. Perhaps simply relating to someone else's secret will be healing enough.

Try either and see what happens.

F...E...A...R

2005-06-14T10:03:00.000-04:00

Our fears keep us from

opening
loving
giving
receiving
daring
living

What are you most afraid of? What is it keeping you from? What would you like to do with the fear?
Your fear is as strong as your mind allows it to be. Your fear doesn't want to be laughed at because it wants to make you believe that is real, so it convinces you that people will be laughing at you. Let your fear be SHARED. Even anonymously if you wish.

Half of your fear will diminish the moment you share it in the open with someone to expose it for what it really is.

The other half will diminish only when you do one thing: the thing you fear.

If it is not something you can actually do or have any control over, then the fear will diminish the moment you accept it...with open arms. You can either live in fear, live with the fear, or live without the fear. Make your choice.

See if you can slowly change the fear with one small step today.

Without Judgment

2005-06-13T09:22:00.000-04:00

Imagine having a moment that is completely neutral. Imagine not attaching an opinion or an emotion to the moment. Simply be in it, be a part of it, be a witness to it.

The role of a witness is to observe and acknowledge occurrences without bias. Yet this role is difficult for many of us, since we naturally have our own past experiences, cultural nuances, perspectives, and emotions through which we perceive these occurrences.

Many of our life experiences evoke valid emotions, such as grief, loss, stress, and change. Emotions at these times are not meant to be minimized. However, the next time you are stopped in traffic, standing in a long line, or finding yourself having one of those days full of mishaps, simply witness this experience, and report it to memory with only the facts, as if you were an unbiased journalist. Omit the irritation, aggravation, frustration, anger, or anxiety. Record these experiences as being neutral.

The first time you try this, your emotions may still be triggered automatically. Yet for each time you catch yourself, you will find it easier and easier to turn that trigger off. Half the effort is spent on the awareness; the other half, on starting a new habit.

What would your day be like if you could eliminate the negative emotions from these daily experiences?

A Moment of Joy

2005-06-12T13:04:00.000-04:00

Close your eyes and picture one moment when you felt absolute joy. Breathe deeply and remember exactly where you were, if you were with people, what was immediately around you, the smells, sounds, tastes, how every detail looks, and exactly, EXACTLY how it felt to be in that moment.

The longer you can keep your eyes closed and be in that moment, the better.

Research has shown that when your mind pictures an object or an event, and you imagine your senses being stimulated or feel some emotions from what you have visualized, your mind records it as a real experience, as if you were actually there. It is not a watered-down replicate of an experience. You tap into the same emotions and have the same levels of brain activity as if it were really happening.

The next time you realize that it's been awhile since you've been truly happy, or if you're in the middle of chaos or at the end of a bad day, and you just need a place to escape, close your eyes and give yourself a moment of joy. You deserve it.

Do One Thing

2005-06-11T03:40:00.000-04:00

Your task list: it could be on a piece of paper, or it could be in your head. Either way, you probably have something, or many things, that are unfinished or incomplete. It could be something like finally going through that pile of mail. Or it could be something like finally contacting an old friend. No matter what it is, these things follow us around and haunt us, in some fashion, even when we've distracted ourselves with our daily lives and other things that are more of a priority or preference.

Today, do ONE task on that list. ONE.

If you have too many in your head, then your one task could be to write out the list. If one of your tasks is a multi-step process, then do ONE step of that one task.

You can make the one step as small as you want. It can be simply finding the phone number that you need, but not actually making the phone call yet. You want to slowly chip away at the things that seem overwhelming. Once you've completed one small item, you feel confident, capable, and motivated to do more.

If actively doing something is also too much, at least begin to picture yourself doing it. Visualization is a powerful motivator. That alone is one step closer.

You'll be lighter in the rest of your day. Just take one step today.

Desire and Dissatisfaction

2005-06-10T09:13:00.000-04:00

Fashion swings. Technology improves. Everything changes.

We are raised in a world that constantly gives us more and therefore we want more. But do we believe that we need more?

It's habit-forming; we expect what the environment gives us. It shapes us.

Desire seems to be only temporarily quenched until the next desire comes, and if the next desire is not fed, we experience dissatisfaction. With desire and dissatisfaction present, we cannot experience contentment and peace.

Let's learn what it means to be satisfied to simply BE.

SARK writes in her inspiring, whimsical books:

"You have enough.
You do enough.
You are enough."

Can that, at times, be enough for us? Let's work toward enough being absolutely enough.

Peace by Thich Nhat Hanh

2005-06-09T09:27:00.000-04:00

The famous Vietnamese Buddhist monk, Thich Nhat Hanh, narrates this beautiful short clip. Click to watch "Being Peace".

These messages are worth watching, hearing, and remembering.

Follow Your Advice

2005-06-08T09:21:00.000-04:00

Sometimes we will be talking with someone close to us, who needs our advice and comfort, or we will even be having a passing conversation with to an acquaintance or a stranger and, in doing so, we somehow give the most eloquent messages that we couldn't have scripted better. Not only that, these messages, while delivered to someone else, coincidentally seem to be for our own lives as well.

Many people believe that these messages come from other entities, or perhaps a shared consciousness. Others believe that the subconscious projects these messages onto others, when we actually need it for ourselves. Whether or not you hold these beliefs, you may want to adhere to your own gifts of wisdom for these reasons:

1. Others will be more likely to believe you and follow your advice. Your credibility will hold firm if you do not appear to be saying one thing and doing another.

2. If you do as you say, and find that the method doesn't actually work, perhaps you will gain a better understanding of other people's situations and will adjust what you advise. Or if your method does work, perhaps you can report your own success as an inspiration.

3. You know what is truly good advice for all to follow, including yourself. Make yourself a priority with self-care and self-discipline.

Watch your words the next time you come up with an amazing message. While you may initially dismiss it as irrelevant to your own life, look a little deeper to see if there's anything there for you.

Methods of Meditation

2005-06-07T08:50:00.000-04:00

One way to ground yourself, lower your stress, and connect your mind to your body is by meditating. Meditation can be done in several different ways. Each individual may find one way that works better than the others.

1) Sitting meditation, clearing the mind: In this meditation you sit quietly, generally with legs crossed. You clear the mind of every thought, in an attempt to think of absolutely nothing. If a thought or many thoughts come through, simply acknowledge them and continue to clear the mind. Many people find that concentrating on very deep breathing (into the belly) or saying one word (such as "Om") drawn out for a long tone can help to clear the mind. Also, if you have music, running water, birds, or other natural sounds, you can take notice of those sounds around you, as if you were simply a space to receive the outside world.

Click here for a traditional sitting meditation.

2) Sitting meditation, with an intention: In this meditation, you sit quietly, legs crossed, and concentrate on one thought. This thought may be for healing the world, or healing a particular person, or simply something that you wish for your life or a loved one. You can also visualize symbolically (such as a bright light surrounding someone) or literally (such as what you want the future to look like). Repeat these thoughts and visions with deep breaths.

Click here for a healing meditation.

3) Walking meditation: This can be done indoors, outdoors, barefoot, with shoes...whatever is most comfortable for you. Walk at a slower pace, with intention on each step. Notice how your foot either gently touches the ground, or rolls from heel to toe. Be in tune with your movements and nothing else. This meditation works especially well for people who need more kinesthetic stimuli.

Click here for a walking meditation.

4) Eating meditation: This is especially good for those who eat at their desks at work, or who have limited time to get a real break in the middle of the day. In this meditation, you take the time to notice what you are doing, how the food goes from the plate to your mouth, the sensations, the tastes. Every bite is taken very deliberately. Surprisingly, even though you will eat more slowly, the time will pass more slowly as well. This is because you are in the moment rather than thinking of something else while eating.

Click here for an eating meditation.

5) Guided meditation: This has specific direction and instruction and gives the mind something to do. It works particularly well if you have someone read one to you while you have your eyes closed. Stephen Levine's book, "Guided Meditations, Explorations and Healings" is excellently written and quite extensive with specific types of guided meditations for many situations.

Click here for a sample of Stephen Levine's meditations on grief.

Click here for a guided meditation to read to yourself while focusing on peaceful imagery on the website.

For more ideas, see my entries on 5/20/2005, Practicing Mindfullness or 5/29/2005, Living in the Moment. These both explain how to be aware of only the present, which is also a form of meditation.

No matter what your style or preference is, the benefits remain the same. While you may feel as though nothing is happening, try it a few times and see if your days seem different in any way. The more you practice, the easier it becomes, and the better you will feel.

The Truth About You

2005-06-06T09:36:00.000-04:00

The bad news: we believe all the negative things we hear about ourselves. Whether we think we believe it or not, our brains register and file those comments and they go on permanent record.

The good news: we also record all the positive things we receive. Therefore, today, you will read the following five statements and you will believe them...someday.

1. You have inherent MERIT and VALUE that is not based on anything or measured by anyone.

2. You CONTRIBUTE more than you realize to your world and those around you.

3. You have the POWER to change the way you live your life....at the very least, the way you receive and perceive your life.

4. You DESERVE love, joy, happiness, success, fulfillment, contentment, and peace.

5. You ARE worth all of it.

Read this and deeply breathe in the truth about you. Come back to this as often as you wish. If you want to arm yourself with even more positivity, write your own list of personal positive comments and put it somewhere where you will read it at least once a day. Notice how it slowly sinks in and changes how you feel about yourself. Do it. You're worth it.

The Power of Thought

2005-06-05T09:34:00.000-04:00

Your thoughts manifest in many ways.

Your thoughts can become words which either initiate your action or the actions of others. Your thoughts can also shape your perception of your experiences. Two people can have the exact same experience and a completely different perception of it. In addition, through the concept of self-fulfilling prophecy, you will receive the results that you expected in your thoughts.

There is also the belief that actual energy and power exists in thought. Many people send out thoughts to make events happen. We pray, we wish for good luck, we attempt to help ourselves and others through our mental concentration. Falun Gong practitioners utilize an exercise of "sending righteous thoughts" in order to eliminate injustice. Yoga practitioners or people who meditate practice a specific meditation on healing the world. It is also a strong belief in many cultures that practicing in groups is much more powerful.

Many times we say, "What can I possibly do to solve the world's problems?" Try to send out thoughts through one of these methods. You will spend minutes for something that could spread peace around the world, and at the very least, bring a little more peace to your world.

On Grief and Loss

2005-06-04T16:34:00.000-04:00

Do you have something or someone over which you feel you have not fully grieved?

Have you experienced a loss over which you still feel pain?

So many times we rush through grief to get on with our lives. Grief is one of those things, that, if unattended, or interrupted, becomes warped into our daily lives and hides in subtle behaviors, physical conditions, or other complex issues.

Write a letter to your loved one, to the painful event, or even to yourself. Dedicate some real time to address these fresh or old feelings. You cannot shorten the task by having a passing thought or a light conversation. The full ritual of writing it out gives the grief the validity it begs for. Burn the letter afterward if you are moved to. Or share it with others. Make it an entry on your personal blog and see what happens. Do these things to help you move toward peace. Do it as often as you need.

"The only way out is through." Honor your grief and loss.

Our Sense of Control

2005-06-03T03:19:00.000-04:00

Over what do we have control?

We have some control over our worlds and our lives. We make decisions that affect us every day. We desire control because it gives us the feeling of predictability and safety. Yet many of us experience pain and frustration when we find that we feel as though we have very little control. While we understand that we cannot control natural events such as earthquakes, tornados, and the seasons, we tend to forget that we also have very little control over what other people do. Sometimes we spend a significant amount of time and energy attempting to influence or change people; we then link our emotions directly to how others think, speak, or act.

Ultimately you have control over one thing: your thoughts. And your thoughts--not other people or events--control your feelings. You can choose to think positively or negatively or neutrally about any situation. Your thoughts will then shape your emotions about that situation. When you feel as though you have lost control over everything, remember that you have control over you, your reaction, your feelings, and your perspective.

Let go of the things and the people over which you have no control. Perhaps that will lessen some suffering and bring you a step closer to your own peace.

Time Spent Worrying

2005-06-02T03:01:00.000-04:00

This quote comes from an anonymous source, "Worrying is praying for what you don't want."

We have approximately 16-20 waking hours. Our mental energy could be spent on organizing, problem-solving, healing, day-dreaming, bemusing, focusing, relaxing, reminiscing, and any number of other things. How much of our precious time do we wish to spend on worrying? How does worrying benefit our lives?

Do you find it difficult to stop worrying? It can be hard to undo the years of practice. Try to stop the thoughts the moment they begin. At the very least, acknowledge the worrying and then try to divert your attention elsewhere. Or, in addition to worrying, give yourself the added task of problem-solving. If you find that there isn't anything you can do, then this might be an indicator that your worrying is not productive.

Once you begin to stop your thoughts, it becomes easier and easier to break the habit of worrying. New patterns can develop with this first step today.

Breathe, Breathe, Breathe

2005-06-01T03:52:00.000-04:00

Babies truly know how to breathe deeply. Somehow, when we gain the ability to use our brains for many tasks, we manage to turn off the natural ability to breathe. Many of us are shallow breathers or hold our breath throughout the day.

Deep breathing happens when you allow your belly to expand, letting the diaphragm drop which forces the lungs to fill. Full exhaling happens when you push your belly in, as if your navel were to meet your spine. Then the belly naturally pushes out and the diaphragm drops again and deep breathing repeats. It is essential to inhale in order to fully oxygenate your body and also to exhale in order fully release the toxins.

One other vital piece of information: when you hold your breath, you are telling your body that you are in a stressful situation. This is the "fight or flight" mode of survival. The moment you hold your breath, you have a window of 17 seconds to begin breathing again or else your brain will release adrenalin into your body which will last for an hour. The adrenalin keeps you feeling anxious or stressed.

Try to pay attention to your breathing and your mood. Do you hold your breath? Are you a shallow breather? Or do you breath like a baby?

Exercising the Smile

2005-05-31T11:49:00.000-04:00

Try this exercise right now. Let your mouth slowly form a smile, with lips gently closed. Hold the smile for at least ten seconds. Slowly inhale and exhale.

Did your mood shift slightly? Did your thoughts change?

When we ask our bodies to do something (breathe, smile, relax, etc.), our bodies will comply and then our minds seem to follow.

Try to do this at least once a day, especially when you are feeling least willing to smile. If you can fake it, you might be able to make an internal change. Perhaps you'll even make someone else smile, too.

Inspiration to Keep Trying

2005-05-30T09:44:00.000-04:00

"All this will not be finished in the first 100 days. Nor will it be finished in the first 1,000 days, not in the life of this Administration, nor even perhaps in our lifetime on this planet. But let us begin." -- John F. Kennedy

This is exactly why we work on peace. Because we believe in it, not because we know that our efforts will be successful. We simply believe in it to begin it. It is in the miniscule steps, in the smallest of actions.

"If in our daily life we can smile, if we can be peaceful and happy, not only we, but everyone will profit from it. This is the most basic kind of peace work." — Thich Nhat Hanh

Someone has to start it and let it become a chain reaction. If you smile at your neighbor, your neighbor will smile at the cashier, the cashier will smile at the next customer, and so on and so on. If your neighbor didn't smile this morning, perhaps it will happen the next time you smile. Attempting to be peaceful does not end when the results are not instantaneous. Being peaceful continues with repetition in each thought, word, and action. Do not give up after one try. Do not give up after ten tries. Simply do not give up.

It begins with you and it is for you.

Living in the Moment

2005-05-29T10:54:00.000-04:00

The present is what we have. THIS MOMENT. The more we focus on the past or the future, the less we are living in the present and actually absorbing what this moment has to offer. The less we live in the present, the less we feel joy or peace. What are you receiving from the world right NOW?

This exercise is similar to my 5/20/2005 entry, Practicing Mindfulness. Try this with someone who is close to you to see what it feels like to live in this moment.

Stay present for five minutes, without talking about the past or the future...commenting on the sounds, tastes, sensations....anything that happens only in the moment that you are in.

You'll notice more feelings of gratitude and appreciation for everything around you. You'll also notice that you and someone else are sharing the exact same moment, which can be intimate and centering.

If you do not have a person you can do this with, try just thinking about what is happening in the present. If your thoughts stray to the past or the future or something not in your immediate surroundings, simply note the thoughts and come back to where you are.

In the Center of You

2005-05-28T14:17:00.000-04:00

Want to do an internal check of what feelings are with you at this very moment?

Sit comfortably, put your dominant hand (the one you write with) on your chest, and look down that arm, toward the elbow.

Take a few deep breaths. Identify the feeling that lies directly underneath your hand.

Take a few more deep breaths. Now identify the feeling directly below that.

Once again, take a few deep breaths. Identify the feeling that lies below the first and second feeling.

This exercise is helpful in understanding where you are emotionally, during your day or week. It is also a vital part of witnessing, validating, and healing old emotions that you may not realize you have. You can do this as often as you wish. You may be surprised to find certain combinations, such as anger, sadness, and finally peace.

This exercise was demonstrated by Dr. Mary Delaney at an AWARE conference in February, 2003. To learn more about the AWARE conference, visit www.worldaware.org.

To purchase a CD by Mary Delaney called "Sacred Spaces: Healing Exercises to Refresh Your Mind, Body, and Spirit" which helps with breathing and visualization, visit http://www.cdbaby.com/cd/delaney?cdbaby=c231189d08e7daed35cce0f414ec7bdd

Possible Roadblocks to Your Peace

2005-05-27T07:02:00.000-04:00

Since our thoughts originate from our brains, it is difficult to remember that our brains are housed within our bodies and that MANY things can affect the WAY WE THINK. Sometimes changing the way we think and feel are not simple tasks. Sometimes things that are happening to our bodies has a strong impact on our minds and we forget to recognize that we could be influenced by outside factors.

All of these things have an impact on the way you think and feel:

Sleep
Lack of sleep mimics depression. You might not know you're tired, but you might notice that things seem more overwhelming, irritating, unnappealing, and stressful. If you're experiencing this, wait until you've had more sleep and see if your perspective changes.

Food & Water
Lack of nutrients keeps you in a "survival" mode. You will be operating on a "need" only basis and all other things will seem unnecessary and perhaps a hindrance to you. If you find that you are annoyed or easily angered, perhaps your body requires food or water. The types of food you eat are especially important as well. Having heavy starches and carbohydrates will numb you. They are comfort foods and will keep you in a slightly sedated state. Sugars are meant to give you quick energy, which could translate into anxiety. Refined sugars will also give you a drop after the high, translating to a possible negative mood as well. A diet high in meats can also give you anxiety. When animals are killed, they release adrenalin, a hormone which gives the "fight or flight." As you eat meat, you ingest these hormones, giving you a higher level of anxiety.

Exercise
Your muscles exist to be used. Exercise not only keeps us physically fit, but it also releases all the feelings and thoughts that we hold in our bodies. We have a physical body state that matches a feeling. It is different for everyone: headaches, backaches, tightness in shoulders and neck. Exercise allows the body to work out those feelings and while the body is doing something repetitious, it also frees the mind to start working on other things, such as problem-solving, organizing, processing events. Exercise can help reduce sleepless nights and nightmares, since this is prime time for the mind to start working, even if you want it to be resting.

Physical Pain
It is difficult to concentrate on other things when dealing with chronic pain. The body is louder than the mind in this case. Do what you can to ease your pain and quiet the body. Spend some time meditating, visualizing the pain and making it different colors to see if the sensations change. See a medical doctor for options to numb the pain. In some cases, the body is sending a message that needs to be heard; see if you can determine what metaphoric clues your body is sending you about your life.

Alcohol, Caffeine, and Other Drugs
Stimulants and depressants add a foreign substance to your mind and body and therefore play a large role in shaping your perspective. The fewer substances you ingest, the clearer your mind will be. If you are already lacking sleep, nutrients, and exercise, these substances will only distort your perceptions further.

Stress
The definition of stress is the body's reaction to the environment's demands. Our lives are full of changes and we are required to adapt to those changes. Even positive change is still a demand on the body. Whenever possible, find ways to lower your stress levels. You can do this by keeping all of the above factors in check, as well as employing some time management and organizational skills. When we can free our minds of these demands, we decrease our stress levels.

Try to make a change in at least one of these areas. Your body may respond by giving you a better state of mind.

On Forgiveness

2005-05-26T09:23:00.000-04:00

"Forgiveness offers the possibility of two types of peace: peace of mind -- the potential healing of old emotional wounds, and peace with others -- the possibility of new, more gratifying relationships in the future." -- Kenneth I. Pargament & Mark S. Rye

It can be the hardest thing to do. Yet when we do not forgive, we are choosing to hold on to something that gives us pain and ultimately turns into suffering.

You may feel as though others do not deserve your forgiveness. Ask yourself, "How does the lack of forgiveness affect that other person's life?" Now ask yourself, "How does the lack of forgiveness affect my life?"

Forgiveness has been shown to reduce negative emotions and physical discomforts and increase joy and satisfying relationships. Visit this website to see more research on forgiveness: http://www.forgiving.org/

Forgiveness is a way to heal.

You do not have to let others know that you have forgiven them. You do not need to become close to others who have caused you pain. These things are your choice. Forgiveness is your choice as well.

Take a moment to sit quietly, close your eyes, picture someone who has hurt you, and grant them forgiveness in your heart. Take another moment to ask for someone's forgiveness. Then take a moment to forgive yourself of something in your past. Notice how you feel after you have done this. If you feel tight, angry, hurt, or resistant, try it again at another time. Forgiveness does not happen in one sitting. It is something to work toward once you are ready. It is also something that you do for no one else but yourself.

Your Personal Healing

2005-05-25T11:52:00.000-04:00

"Of one thing I am certain, the body is not the measure of healing, peace is the measure." - Phyllis McGinley

Healing is vital for the path toward peace. We carry old wounds from our past. Sometimes we believe the adage, "Time heals all wounds." It's true, it does require the passing of time to help ease the pain. However, distracting ourselves from the pain does not erase it.

There is another adage, "The only way out is through." This is in reference to our deepest pains. If you find that thinking of something in your past is too painful and that you would rather not even address the issue, that is a sign that you still have healing to do. Avoiding the pain is not the way to end the pain. It will only come back time and time again to remind you that it exists, or perhaps you'll find that other things in your life are aggravating, annoying, or angering. When you experience these feelings, it is an indicator that something else lies beneath. If you have actually healed, your perspective on your old wounds would be much more peaceful.

How do we heal?

Witnessing. Your feelings beg to be seen and heard. They will become peaceful once they have a chance to be validated. There are many ways to bear witness to these old feelings.

Letter writing--you can write a letter to yourself, to your past, to the people in your past. These letters never need to be read by anyone else. If you find that you do want to send them to others, do so without relying on any particular response. Mostly, these letters are meant for you to put on paper and read the words yourself.

Counseling--you can address many feelings and issues with a counselor. Not only will you have an opportunity to allow someone else to witness your emotions, but you can also gain insight and perspective to how all your experiences shape who you are, as well as gaining tools to improve your mental health.

Support--talk with a friend, family member, or loved one, talk with someone on the phone who works for a help line, talk with a pastor or priest, or talk with people in a support group. Find a safe place for you to talk. You may feel as though talking won't help, but in many ways, simply talking is the very best healing.

Some people have found healing in other methods, such as tarot, drumming circles, Reiki, aromatherapy, or crystals. Many times being in nature is an effective way to quiet the mind and soothe pains. Meditation, yoga, Falun Gong, or tai chi can all help us heal our minds through our bodies, since our bodies carry our emotions in physical form.

Continue to explore methods that work best for you. Spend the time on your pains. You are worth every minute.

Acceptance of Self

2005-05-24T09:17:00.000-04:00

"It doesn't matter what we do until we accept ourselves. Once we accept ourselves, it doesn't matter what we do." -- Charly Heavenrich

If we can accept ourselves, just as we are, we could eliminate some of our own pain and suffering. This includes the act of forgiveness. Even if we are resistant to forgive others, at the very least, let us forgive ourselves.

Close your eyes and picture yourself without judging anything. Do not think of what's good or bad, do not form an opinion, simply witness yourself as a human being. Witnessing is a vital part of healing old wounds and nurturing growth and change.

You are who you are. Allow yourself to be. You are growing, learning, making mistakes, having emotions, experiencing life.

You are.

Simply be.

Take a couple of deep breaths and say to yourself, "I fully accept myself as I am." Try to do this once a day.

Belief in Yourself

2005-05-23T13:38:00.000-04:00

"The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us." -- Black Elk (1863-1950)

What is stopping you from believing in yourself?

Perhaps you've experienced failure. Does that prevent you from believing that the next time could be a success?

Perhaps you've been told so many negative things by people around you that you begin to believe them. Do not forget that many positive comments also come our way, but we sometimes dismiss these by telling ourselves that people are just trying to be nice.

Let's have consistent logic so that we do not self-sabotage:

1) believe that all comments, positive or negative, have some truth.

2) believe that many people around us are capable of saying positive or negative comments, and can depend on their perspectives, moods, past experiences, etc.

3) believe that we have a right to our own perspectives, opinions, and positive or negative comments about ourselves.

Many of us warp this logic into illogic such as this: all negative comments are true and all positive comments are false. Ask yourself, "How does this benefit me?"

The next step to undoing the illogic: BELIEVE IN YOURSELF.

Even if you do not believe the positive comments, surround yourself with people who deliver them, or deliver them to yourself out loud in the mirror. Why? Because even if you dismiss them at the present moment, your mind records those messages permanently and you will begin to believe them subconsciously.

Attempt to even pretend to believe in yourself and watch it become true over time.

"In you are natural powers. You already possess everything necessary to become Great." -- Chief Crow