How to Get a Piece of Peace in Your Life

Saturday, July 16, 2005


You may have a relationship in which you don't always know where the other person ends and where you begin. While this may make for an intense connection, it can also open the door to an imbalance and may not be healthy for you, your development, or your boundaries.

If something feels like too much chaos, too much intensity, or too much confusion, chances are there are very blurry lines in your relationship and it is quite difficult to define issues or conflicts if the two of you are enmeshed.

If you want to change this, but find yourself sucked back in time after time, visualize that you are in a web, slowly untangling yourself, one strand at a time. Begin thought-stopping, in which you either question the validity of the interaction or you tell yourself that this is not what you want. Establish other relationships or talk to others about their relationships that do not have this similar dynamic in order to know what it feels like when there isn't an imbalance. Do you see respect? Do see safety and trust? Do you see two separate people who are very closely involved yet still have their own identities?

Sometimes you will make more accommodations for people you've known longer, people you have to work with, or family members. Remember that you are keeping a certain proximity at a certain cost to you. You do have the choice to put some distance between yourself and others. It can be a small amount, or perhaps simply distance in your mind. You also have the choice to speak differently, behave differently, and react differently. Just because a person is used to you playing a certain role does not mean you must commit to that role for your life.

What is most important is that you do what is best for your own mental health. How you do it is your choice.